Last Christmases
by LilyBolt
Summary: Dean doesn't seem too thrilled about how he's spending his holiday, and Sam is determined to get to the bottom of his brother's latest mood swing. . . A slightly AU Christmas story set sometime between 8x14 "Trial and Error" and 8x19 "Taxi Driver", and written as a birthday gift for kingdommast. :) Not a slash fiction.


**WARNING: Spoilers for 8x02 "What's Up, Tiger Mommy?", 8x07 "A Little Slice of Kevin", and 8x14 "Trial and Error". **

**Author's Note: This is a birthday present for kingdommast, because I couldn't get to this request in time for Christmas. lol (Sorry it's also being posted so late in the day. As you probably know, FanFiction was offline for most of the day.) Anyway, Happy Birthday my friend! ;D This takes place sometime between 8x14 "Trial and Error" and 8x19 "Taxi Driver". The request was specifically for the boys to celebrate Christmas with Mrs. Tran and Kevin. This is technically AU because it's a Christmas story happening off the canon timeline for when Christmas would have been, but it also technically fits into canon aside from that. Enjoy! :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own supernatural. **

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December 25th found the brothers parked in the Impala in front of a familiar rusted houseboat. Dean was in the driver's seat looking slightly uncomfortable, and Sam was sitting shotgun with a mildly concerned expression.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Sam asked when he saw just how strained his brother's expression was. Dean shot Sam a bitchface to rival the younger man's best, but still Sam pressed, "I only agreed for us to do this because I thought you'd like to, but if you're not up for it we could always _happen_ to catch a case and-"

"Its fine, Sam. I'm just tired from the drive," Dean interrupted, putting on his best mask to hide his discomfort. He then opened the Impala's door and climbed out of the vehicle. Sam sighed and followed his brother's lead, wondering what could possibly have put the older hunter in such a touchy mood.

After all, Dean had always been the one who enjoyed Christmas. All through their youth, Sam could remember Dean putting effort into every Christmas they had, even after Sam had learned the truth about Santa Claus, and especially when their father dropped the ball on festivities.

So why did Dean suddenly seem unhappy about celebrating?

As they grabbed their things out of the back seat- a small collection of messily wrapped presents and a couple store-bought pies- Sam considered the possibility that his brother didn't want to share the holiday with others. With the exception of Bobby, the elder Winchester had only ever spent Christmas with immediate family. But this time they were having Christmas dinner with Kevin Tran, his mother, and Garth.

When Mrs. Tran had suggested the Winchesters join she and the others for the meal, Sam had accepted her invitation under the impression that Dean would enjoy taking some time off to do a real holiday. The Trans had been much warmer toward the brothers ever since Kevin's ordeal with Crowley. Not to mention that, since Sam had begun the trials to close Hell, the prophet and his mother could see a light at the end of their dark, messy tunnel, and were even more supportive for it.

But perhaps Dean still felt out of place with them. Maybe he felt residual guilt for having tried to kill Crowley while he was possessing Mrs. Tran, or he might even be blaming himself for Kevin having been dragged into the world of being prophet to begin with, because Sam knew that was how Dean thought.

Sam sighed as they approached the boat's entrance, beginning to regret having put Dean in a situation that seemed to be spoiling his Christmas. But it was apparently too late to turn back now because Dean was already knocking on the iron door, and Mrs. Tran was opening it with a smile.

"Merry Christmas!" she greeted them both.

Dean replied, "Merry Christmas Mrs. Tran. We've got pies! Just like Sam said we would, and he's got the presents." Dean nodded to Sam then, who was carrying the handful of gifts they'd purchased the day before.

"Oh, you didn't have to do all that, but thank you. And the pies can go over here by the-" Sam listened as Mrs. Tran chattered away with Dean, instructing him where to place the desserts, explaining what food would be served for dinner, and discussing when the meal would be ready.

Garth came rushing over soon after, pulling Dean into what he proudly asserted was an "extra strength Christmas hug". Sam then passed the parcels he carried off to Garth with a friendly greeting so Garth could put them with the others (and cleverly avoided getting bear-hugged in the process).

Kevin was sitting at his usual table, which had been cleared of tablet-related papers and instead was decorated with a cheap red and green table cloth and paper dishes to match.

"Hey Sam! Merry Christmas," he said with a smile when he caught the taller man's eye. The kid seemed far happier than Sam had seen him in a long time, and he was glad. Sam returned the greeting and went to sit by the prophet. As he and Kevin talked, Sam made a point of keeping Dean in the corner of his vision, periodically studying his brother's body language.

To anyone else, Dean probably would have seemed relaxed enough as he went over their dinner plans with Mrs. Tran. He even cracked a joke of some sort that made the woman laugh. But Sam knew his brother better than anyone else did, and he could see that the other man's shoulders were just the slightest bit tense, and his face the barest bit drawn. He wasn't really at ease in the situation at all, but what confused Sam was the way that Dean kept looking at _him_. Dean would glance at Sam, and that's when his discomfort would become most noticeable.

Sam wasn't sure what was going on, but he intended to get to the bottom of it before his brother got stuck spending an entire Christmas as stressed out as he appeared to be.

"Hey Dean, can you help me something really quick?" Sam called over to the elder Winchester. Dean looked puzzled, especially when Sam got up and led the way out of the boat towards the upper deck, but he followed along.

Once outside, Dean slowly asked, "So...what's up?" His tone indicated he knew Sam had nothing he needed help with, and that he was anticipating some kind of attempt at a deep conversation. He also looked like he wasn't enthused about that fact.

"Dean, something is bothering you and I know it. If you don't want to give me specific details, that's fine. But whatever it is, it's obviously making it hard for you to enjoy your holiday. So please just tell me if you'd rather we leave, and then we can go, I promise. I mean, I'm the one who agreed to these plans to begin with, and I don't want to have forced you to do something on Christmas you didn't want to do. We don't get a lot of holiday downtime like this, you know? And I just thin-" Sam's spiel was interrupted then as Dean cut in.

"It's that," Dean said with a weary sigh.

Sam paused, confused, and waited for Dean to elaborate.

After seeming to debate how much he wanted to share, Dean eventually continued, saying, "I mean it's the whole 'we're hunters and who knows how many holidays we'll get to have' thing, which is a downer any day. But mostly it's that fact that you're doing these damn Hell trials and it kinda feels like you're living with your head on the chopping block, so how am I supposed to enjoy Christmas with you when the guillotine could come down any minute?" Dean rushed through his words, obviously somewhat embarrassed to be divulging information about his feelings. But he looked downright ashamed when he added, "And especially when it should have been me."

Sam wasn't expecting this to be the reason behind his brother's attitude, but upon hearing the confession, things instantly made a lot more sense.

Dean was feeling like the Hell trials were threatening Sam's life, and that would naturally lead him to feel like this Christmas could be their last together, if the trials went poorly. And Sam knew from personal experience just how awful the idea of celebrating Christmas could be with threats like that lingering in the distance...He had spent a 'last Christmas' with Dean several months before the man went to Hell, and it had been extremely hard.

Sam was guessing that Dean felt now much the same way Sam had back then, and Dean was trying his best to hide it because he felt he owed it to his brother after Sam had done the same for him before. But the issue was obviously eating him up inside.

"Look, Dean..." Sam began hesitantly, wanting to choose his words carefully so he didn't cause Dean to close up like he usually would. "I understand how you feel. Believe me man, I do. But I am _not_ on death row. No more than what we're used to, anyway. I told you before. I took these trial on because I believe I can get through them- that I'll fight past them because the life I want is on the other side of this mess, and I'm not giving up on that. And I swear, I'm dragging you to that better future with me. So this isn't our last Christmas together, Dean. It's just..." Sam paused again, fishing in his mind for the best phrasing. "It's just our last Christmas where demons still exist," he finished at last.

Sam then waited for his brother to process everything he'd said. For a moment Sam could see Dean tensing up to argue, but then suddenly his shoulders relaxed.

"You really mean that, don't you?" Dean asked, staring at Sam with a very serious expression.

"Yeah, I do," Sam replied honestly.

"Ok then," Dean stated, as if he was finally coming to terms with the fact that Sam was taking on the trials. "This doesn't mean I'm not gonna worry about you, because that's what I do best and you know it," the older man joked and Sam gave a dramatic sigh to play along. Dean quickly added, "But I think you really _are_ determined to get through this, and if I know one thing about you, it's that you're a stubborn sonofabitch who won't give up on what he wants."

Sam smiled at the underhanded compliment.

"Now let's get back in there. Mrs. Tran's got a crap ton of food baking, and I'm freaking starving," Dean announced, turning and heading down into the boat again. Sam followed, relieved to have brightened his brother's mood.

**OoO**

Two hours later, after a lot of chatting and joking and general merriment, the meal was finally ready to eat. The Trans, Garth, and the Winchester brothers were seated around a small table now completely covered with so much food that all of them needed to hold their plates in their laps for space.

Kevin stood for a moment and raised his glass, saying, "Uh, I'd like to make a toast."

Everyone turned their attention to the young prophet as he nervously continued, "My life has been, well, pretty messed up since I became a prophet. But thanks to all of you I have a chance at things getting better. Especially because of _you_," Kevin nodded toward Sam, specifically.

Sam felt his cheeks heat up a little at being singled out. He wasn't used to receiving praise for doing what he simply saw as his job.

"So here's to Sam! Shutting down Hell, and opening doors for the rest of us," Kevin concluded his speech, and the rest of the people around the table raised their glasses in response, saying, "To Sam!"

Dean elbowed Sam lightly as he said his brother's name, and Sam was relieved to see that the older man looked genuinely pleased- _proud_, even.

Kevin took his seat again and everyone began to dig into the feast laid before them. Dean seemed quite content as he shoved a forkful of stuffing into his mouth and immediately complimented Mrs. Tran on the dish. Garth was telling Kevin a funny story from one of his recent hunts, and the kid was laughing around a mouthful of food.

Sam stared at the people surrounding him and couldn't help but to feel uplifted by the sight. Because _this_ was why he was taking on the Hell trials. So he could have more time with these people. More holidays like this one, filled with food, fun, and good friends. With_ family_.

Dean leaned over toward him and said in a lowered tone, "Merry 'last Christmas where demons still exist', Sammy."

Sam smiled and replied, "Merry Christmas, Dean."

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**Secondary Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Please do leave feedback if you have a moment, because it's undoubtedly the best thing ever. lol And Happy Birthday again to you kingdommast! May your day be spectacular, and may you have many awesome birthdays to come. ;) **


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